I wrote this poem a few days after I came back home from Pakistan. It explains exactly how I am feeling these days. Abaseen keeps telling me that it’s just a phase and that it will pass in due time. But I must say, ever since I’ve been back, I’ve been a little depressed. I keep remembering all the beautiful places I visited in Khyber-Pakhtunkhwa and Pakistan (in general), the love and kindness I felt from my in-laws, and the amazing conversations and endless laughter. It’s amazing how drastically one’s perspective can change about a place/country in just a matter of weeks, eh.
Aye! Curse this separation from me!
For my heart has been cast asunder
And my flesh has lost its crimson glow,
I’ve been forced to leave my hewad*
Only to disappear into this foreign land
How long will I have to wait till I am reunited,
With this world I never knew?
This world that has adoringly swathed me
In all her corporal glory!
Are you listening to me, my love?
For I am deeply captivated by you;
By your beauty; your vastness; your splendour…
If you were a Goddess, I’d worship you –
For you leave me truly breathless!
Tell me, darling
When will I see you again?
For this separation is smoldering my being,
I pity this type of living!
I pity this type of dying!
I’d rather perish in the magnificent mountains of Malakand,
Or drown in the vast waters of the Kunhar river,
Than to squander relentlessly in this alien darkness
I still know nothing of what I left behind,
In the lanes and paths of my old existence
Yet, I long to tread these lanes once again…
I want to feel your morning breeze on my skin,
And drink from your sweet wines of purity
Look! Oh, look zargiya*!
See how desolate I’ve become!
My feet are shoeless,
My bangles are broken,
My garments are torn,
And my rhaanja* is mixed with my blood,
Blinding me, tainting me…
I’ve become a malanga*, lost in translation
Even my own shadow refuses to accompany me
For only a desert now lies with this broken heart
*Zargiya= my beloved/sweetheart
*Rhaanja= kohl/black eyeliner
*Malanga= voyager/one in love/traveller
© January 2012