My Thoughts On Homophobia And Same-Sex Marriages

Every time I come across a “debate,” I’d vow and tell myself that I won’t get involved or participate, ‘cause I know once I get sucked into it, it eats up a lot of my time and energy, and often the person I end up “debating” with turns out to be so narrow-minded and thickheaded that it feels like I’m talking to a brick wall.

Unfortunately, I couldn’t help myself when a friend of mine posted the following on her wall. It read:

“Maryland’s Senate approved same-sex marriages. Congratulations Maryland ♥”

I, of course, did not realize that my friend had the sort of people on her list who are not only homophobic, but are also utterly misinformed, which in turn contributes to their ‘phobia’. And when I commented and showed my immense happiness and support for Maryland’s approval of same-sex marriages, I honestly wasn’t prepared for the trail of negative comments (against homosexuals and same-sex marriages) that followed suit. Not only was I asked what was so awesome about same-sex marriages, but this other person completely caught me off-guard when he blatantly told me, and I quote verbatim, that “Homosexuality is a disease.” Good fucking grief.

Now this post isn’t about how ridiculously misinformed those individuals, with whom I was having this discussion with, are, but rather, I want to explain that homosexuality is not a choice. I honestly have no idea where people get the notion that homosexuality is a life choice – a choice that will cost them not only their social life, but also unnecessary hate, disownment, and in worse cases, death. Yeah, it’s a choice, all right! A great freakin’ choice! :: eye roll ::

The incredulous thing is that the person, who declared that homosexuality is a disease, also said that same-sex marriages will now lead to higher suicide rates, more promiscuity, more depression, more substance abuse, etc. And he further claimed that “studies have proven this.” The question I ask is: If, and I mean a big if, studies have proven that same-sex marriages indeed leads to an increase of the above-mentioned, then that means that the study must have been conducted by going to every single individual household that consists of gay couples, right? And that must also mean that that person (researcher), or group of people (researchers), actually lived with these couples, monitored every single thing they said/did, and by comparing it to heterosexual couples (assuming that they did a similar study on them) came to the conclusion that homosexual marriages are a no go, ‘cause it’s simply a recipe for disaster. But, then, another trail of questions arises: If gay marriage has indeed contributed to the increase of all of the above-mentioned, why are so many states approving it? Does that imply that heterosexual couples are devoid of any, or all, of the above-mentioned? Can we say for a fact that heterosexual couples are more “normal” or “stable” than homosexual couples? Of course, the further I delve into this, the more senseless and irrelevant it sounds.

And besides, even if there were such a study to prove the negativity around same-sex marriages, it mostly would have been conducted by a biased, homophobe moron anyway. Why else would anyone want to study something this vague, unless they, themselves, had some personal vendetta against homosexuality? I’m sure it doesn’t take much common sense to realize this. And, to me, such studies carry no absolute value or relevancy; and if someone were to tell me to read such a biased, one-sided “study,” I’d simply shred it into a million pieces and throw it in the recycling bin.

So, yes, homosexuality is not a disease, nor is it a choice, but rather it is innate; people don’t wake up one day and decide they want to be gay. It doesn’t work that way, no matter what kind of environment or surrounding they are living in. As a matter of fact, surrounding has nothing to do with it, as some misinformed people seem to assume. And I, myself, don’t want to assume or make assumptions either, but  it appears that considering the society we come from (Eastern society, in particular), and because there is so much negative stigma around homosexuality and the like, it’s natural for many of us to despise it and wish we would never get exposed to it. Well, guess what? It exists, even in our own society, except that most people turn a blind eye to it. I guess it’s better to live in denial than face the truth. I’m sure if we were conditioned since birth that it’s normal to be gay/lesbian, then there obviously wouldn’t be any negativity towards it. But alas!

It’s this fear of the unknown that drives us, as humans, to judge and make baseless assumptions, just because we don’t, or refuse, to understand why some people are they way they are. It’s like we are afraid to accept differences, because we have been conditioned with the belief that all people should be the same, whether it’s our beliefs (religion), culture, way of life, or sexual orientation. Anything that is different or alien suddenly becomes hated and is considered an adversary. And, so, it must be shunned and eradicated from society by all means.

To me, not only is this utterly despicable, but it is anti-progressive. Where the West is making an attempt to move forward (even though there do exist many homophobes [Rick Shitface Santorum anyone?]; yet it’s making an attempt to become progressive!). And by approving gay marriages, it is doing just that.

I have friends, very close and dear friends, who are homosexual; and I also knew a co-worker who was married to another woman, and she also had a son – a 14 year old– through in-vitro. And, to me, they were the most beautiful, most lovable, and most stable family I’d ever met. Each time my colleague would talk about her partner, whom she was friends with for 11 years before they married in 2009, she would get all starry-eyed. And I couldn’t help thinking what reason would someone have to hate her, or her beautiful family, for that matter, when all they wanted to do was just live? Why do we always feel the need to impose our beliefs, our way of looking at things on someone else, without just accepting them for who they are and letting them be? It’s so disheartening and makes me question whether I’d want my own kids to be surrounded with so much hatred and negativity, which sadly, exists greatly in my own culture. I realize exposure to such detestation would be inevitable, but it will definitely be something that my kids will never partake in.

Anyway, I’m really happy that I’m living in a country where differences are accepted and same sex marriages are becoming the norm. It would really, really disturb me to live in a society where anything that didn’t comply with societal norms was banned, and further degraded, simply because some people are stupid enough to believe that such things and/or relationships go against the ‘laws of nature’. I mean what laws of nature? Just because some people don’t agree with it, nor accept it, doesn’t mean that it’s not natural? Who the heck are they to decide this?

We are so despicable. We literally find ways to hate, even if it’s uncalled for. And as disappointing as it sounds, we are our own greatest downfall (and enemy), simply because we can’t recognize the ‘human’ in everyone.